Oh how I'm a dead set idiot. For so long it was right in front of me, staring me in the face and I did not recognise it. The fact I've been posting nothing but photos on Instagram. The fact I have even created a blog to share all the things I love talking about. Several times here, I have highlighted the power of individuality and personal expression. Several times here, I have discussed my vision of art and imagination. And every time I was sharing my thoughts and knowledge, I never once realised a potential gift. This blog could easily be more than just a hobby of mine or a story of my life so far. It can be the engine of my career and a story yet to be told. Perhaps I have found my calling. Perhaps something or someone has reached out to me and awaits my arrival. And judging by my past experiences with the outside world, I'm seeing most of the dots connect together. Ladies and gentlemen, I now believe my future lies in digital art, graphics design and photography.
I suppose I'm to quickly establish the link between myself and the decision I made. Well first, allow me to introduce myself to those of you who are new here and again to those who already know a bit about me. I am Travis James, a self-proclaimed artist (learn of my definition of the term down below). Somebody who is passionate about the importance of people as individuals. Somebody who is desperate to forward their vision to the world. Somebody who is eager to display human emotion and human expression in the simplest of ways. Somebody who enjoys exploring the endless possibilities of reality and merging boundaries with dreams and imagination. Somebody who wants to recreate ideas and twist them into something both new and appropriate. Most importantly, I am somebody who hopes to make new friends and build new relationships. I am chasing for the love and support I have never once experienced in my 23 years of living so far.
When most think of the term 'artist', they lean towards such things as musicians, painters or sculptors. I however, see Art as something far greater. Everywhere I go, I see people are merely going about their lives and accepting the world they live in. They do things daily without asking themselves why. Many of them socialise with other people and talk about stuff they enjoy. Many of them welcome new ideas and each of them deep down carry both dreams and ideas of their own. Rarely do they stop and question their decisions or contemplate the existence of certain things. Rarely do they hurt themselves searching for the difficult answers to science. Being an artist doesn't necessarily mean one has to create artwork. All they need to do is have fun and appreciate what already exists. In my eyes, artists aren't just the painters of pictures or the singers of songs. They are the livers of life and the embracers of imagination.
Contemporary and digital art is the art of today and the art I now and then demonstrate to some extent. From the simple yet filtered photos of me to those depicting the beauty of nature. For the most part, my content revolves around both myself and my vision of surroundings. It is me attempting to find emotional connections and address the significance of not only my thoughts and feelings, but thoughts and feelings in general. In nearly every photo on my Instagram page, hides a message or several messages. Some are positive like the security from a face mask or the tranquility from a stroll in the local reserve. Other messages however, speak of my pain and greatest fears. Many of my self-photography shots have explored despair, guilt, loneliness, regret, and torture. Whether it be dark greyscale, a cold blue filter or a faint light, inside every picture of me is a small dark tale of mine. And while I cannot deny the chances I'm being hard on myself, I also find comfort in sharing such raw details.
But it is not all doom and gloom for me as what I too love capturing is the outside world (in particular nature and wildlife). I adore everything about the peaceful open spaces of parks and other land barely touched by human hands. I enjoy my involvement with them and I even like merging them with technology in a visual manner. By that, I mean twisting the lights and colours of such things like the sky and trees. Wouldn't seem like much to most people, but I manage to gather a few ideas from the activity. It is another search for comfort, almost like creating my own world. Not only that, but changing such elements allows me to wonder about the possibilities regarding eyesight. What a different pair of eyes other than mine perceive. The idea of my red being your blue. I see it all as another way to emphasise how subjective art is and how important diversity is. It even hints how we as our own selves matter (hence the title of my blog).
I feel as if digital art and photography will help me immensely with self-expression. With great accessibility and better resources, my passion will speak louder than ever before and touch on new and exciting ideas. I see this path also helping me meet new people, some of which will help me gain social confidence and ensure I reach the heights I so desire. And based on what I do and how I approach art, this field of study seems like the best match. I take photography and today's style of art very seriously. Every shot I capture on my phone and share on the internet has a story behind it. I don't just do things to pass the time away. I do things to ensure they last with me. Photography of people and places at the moment comes across as my ultimate voice. It's my form of remarkable and something I believe I can carry with me till the very end. You all know how that saying goes. The one of a picture painting a thousand words. That is pretty much me in a nutshell.
It beats me how I've taken so long to figure out this was the answer. At the very least though, I could say I know half of the reason why. In my piece 'That Long And Winding Road', I discussed about some of my greatest fears including the journey and the potential outcomes. I mentioned how frightened I was of the journey being too long and that I wouldn't complete it on time. The most interesting thing I shared however, was my fear of what success would look like. That remains the case still, especially now I have discovered a clearer pathway. I'm afraid the reward won't mean anything and that the journey was a waste of time. I'm afraid I won't meet the right people or find the right help. Sometimes we all have to face our fears, but I can't help believing the risks will hurt me more than others since I have nobody to support me. As for failure, it doesn't scare me as much since I know perseverance is key. If I keep knocking, somebody is bound to let me in.
You might think it is me just seeking your sympathy, but it isn't. What you are about to read is actually 100% true. I really do have no proper support. My family doesn't understand my decisions. My mother always searches for negative things to say while both my father and brother are somewhat apathetic. One of my aunts gets on my back without providing any options. I grew up with very few friends and those very few friends are now distant, rarely contacting me. I have no close connections with anybody of my chosen field (or any of my other interests for that matter). I am indeed an outsider. I can't say I'm a loner as I don't always choose to be alone and I can't say I'm a pariah as nobody has quite rejected me. But it does seem at times like I'm forgotten or like I'm a wasted soul. Either that, or like I'm the only person living on Earth. There are some things I know I must do on my own like everybody else, which I most certainly accept. But when there are no close friends or moral support within my reach (not even one person to be there and say I can prove people wrong and succeed), it makes everything so much harder for me.
Did you know it is natural for all to sympathise more for someone who is blind compared to someone who is deaf? It especially hurts me more to see blind people because it is like half of their life has already been taken away. Vision means everything to me, and I'm sure it means a lot to others as well. To see everything in it's purest form. To see the the green grass and the blue sky. To see the world busy everyday. To see smiles on peoples faces and the creativity others possess. It's one of the reasons why sight is arguably the greatest gift of them all. And it makes the camera one of the finest inventions to exist. Something to capture the best moments. Something to record experiences and create memories. Something that forwards imagination and helps allow for voices to be heard. Rather than fine print, I want my story to be told in pictures. A way that's easy for most and welcomes different interpretations. Everything has led me to this point in time.
Of course the challenges of achieving my hopes and dreams remain as they are. But now truly knowing what it is I do, the paths have been narrowed down and I feel some things do appear on the up for me. Now it is a matter of finding the right people to help me. I am now on the search for the best advice, as I look for the course and figure out when to begin. For too long I've sat around in misery, thinking there wasn't many places for me to shine and be the person I am. It is time for change. Time for me to take action as the new year approaches ever so close. If you are reading this and happen to know somebody who works in a similar field (preferably from my home country of Australia), please notify them of my interest in digital media and photography. Ask them whether they will kindly offer wisdom and regular assistance, as I do feel I require some given the predicament I am currently in. It would mean the world to me if they accept and I would forever be grateful.
Travis "TJ" James
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