The Devotion To Emotion

You're aware of that idea regarding men and how they're not to shed tears for the sake of the masculine image right? How they're not to openly express feelings of sorrow regardless of the situations they're facing. How it's all about looking tough and sounding like a cup of nails have been swallowed. My brother tends to somewhat support this idea. I however, do not. Never in a million years. Why does humanity set itself such ridiculous rules where certain people have more rights to such emotions? Am I not allowed to cry just because I am a man? Not even when somebody close to me suffers or reaches the end of their life? It's absurd! I am entitled to feel whatever I want to feel at the appropriate times. Same goes for everybody else. These emotions exist and are there to be used when necessary. I'm not breaking any law. I'm merely proving that I'm a complex individual. There's nothing wrong with that.

According to many of today's society, it is not okay for men to cry as it goes against how the common male is supposed to be seen. In the toughest of moments, men are encouraged to hide their true feelings and are at no stage to share them in public. Seems stupid, don't you think? Apparently crying makes people appear to be nothing more than weak. It's all about determining one's strength based on whether or not they break down into tears. And if any category of humankind has rights to feel weak and vulnerable, it is females. A superficial judgment of identity if you ask me. We make it out like our stories are told by simply ticking one of two boxes. We act like depth of character isn't a thing. Forbidding others from such powerful emotions and forcing them to hide their true feelings is encouraging them to live as an incomplete person. To present themselves as a lie. It's taking away a part of them and not allowing them to be anything more than what they currently are. It worries me. We're basically abusing our passage to singularity.

Crying is an open sign of pain and suffering. It proves that we feel it. More importantly, it shows our weaknesses. Weaknesses may not sound nice, but they actually are a good thing (and very important to have as well) as they aren't just our deficiencies or disadvantages. They can be anything or anyone that holds sentimental value and brings forth nostalgia. Family, friends, memories, objects, places, etc. Our most powerful of emotions are often dependent upon how these weaknesses are affected over time. But ironically, these weaknesses can be strengths as well. They can be something worth fighting for. They do remind us that we're not perfect, but they drive us to get the best out of ourselves and encourage us to go all the way. Having deep feelings for the things we hold dear to us is part of our nature. Hence why crying can be an acceptable behaviour for everybody. It's not someone 'being a girl'. It's them 'sharing a heart'.

I mentioned earlier about how my brother cared about the masculine image. It's just one of a few things we tend to disagree on, which further represents a natural aspect in any sibling relationship. I remember when my brother used to tell me years ago about how he would not openly cry if ever somebody close in the family passed away, simply because it wasn't 'manly'. He even laughed at me and accused me of faking tears when I was just nine years of age after we lost our grandmother. If only he understood my connection with Nan and how it may have been different to his. Don't know if he maintains this view, but if he did I know I'll be ready to counter it if ever it was brought up again. Would he really do that with his parents or anybody in his own family one day? Is it really that important to display a false persona? Nobody is going to have a go at him for crying at a funeral, nor should they. This 'tough man' image is now and then laughable. We don't all have to pretend like we can take on the fiercest storms.

Then there is the other side of the emotional spectrum where you will find the sweet tears of joy. Laughter of course isn't an action reserved for any particular category of people. However, it still brings forth an unwelcome form of criticism. One that sees those that display the action of laughter, immediately become a victim of absurd judgement brought forward by others. Whether it be the way they laugh or what they are laughing about, the subject will be changed to make them feel somewhat uncomfortable. If you are struggling to understand what I mean by this, then perhaps the following example will fix that. Two people are watching a funny scene from a movie, one chuckles for a few seconds while the other tries to catch his breath, guffawing for around a minute. Person that chuckled would then turn to look at the other and have the audacity to respond with 'It's not THAT funny'. Do you get it now? If so, do ask yourself whether or not it's an okay thing to say to anybody. I think you well and truly know what side I lean towards here.

This just goes back to the idea that we are all separate individuals that react differently to certain things. While there are moral standards set by us as a collective, no individual has a more superior perception of their surroundings then another. When one complains about something not being as funny and leaving it at that, they are basically implying that their attitude is where it ends. They don't ever consider that others might find the content hilarious. They treat their views as facts. They assume others that perceive things differently have a problem of some sort. Long story short, they are extremely egotistical. Here is another example. Ever noticed how comedy films are not as well-received compared to other genres? Many of the movies I thoroughly enjoy watching, tend to have low scores from Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic and such descriptive words as 'dry', 'bland', 'dull' or even 'inconsistent' tied to them. This is because these so-called professional review websites are still a bunch of individual opinions. They can involve thoughts from people who naturally don't find some content as funny compared to others. It's why I don't always pay attention to the critical reception.

Just before, I mentioned moral standards and how we as a collective have set some over time. This is the one and only exception I support when it comes to the restriction of feelings. Both crying and laughing are not just types of emotions, they are behaviours. Identifying behaviours is the most effective way of determining one's character. How one goes about using these two actions can tell us the kind of person they are and whether or not we can get along with them. Sounds a tad complicated, but it actually is pretty simple. We first look at the content one is reacting to and focus on what it's aiming for. What emotions is it trying to elicit? When something intends to be funny or sad, it can tell us much about how sensible one is. Most times when the reaction isn't that of what's intended, we are then led to the next step of how the reactor communicates with others. They will often disregard reason and be either aggressive or extremely immature (much like an internet troll). Just from these two steps, we can come to a conclusion of whether somebody is worth our time. Moral standards aren't laws, but do tell the story of how safe a person is to interact with. I'll give you this easy example in the form of two questions. Do you think a funeral is the right place to laugh and crack jokes? Also, what would you think of somebody who does exactly that? I think we can all agree that there are times and places that see certain behaviours not being so justifiable.

I'm digressing a little here. My issue is more focused on when the intentions are met and it all becomes a matter of personal opinion. When I'm not allowed to find something funnier than another person, all because they don't enjoy it as much. Believe it or not, I consider it as another form of invading personal space. It's trying to alter their life. Trying to rub one's views onto another person. It's somebody playing an unnecessary authority figure. Sure, I share the stuff I find humorous with other people. But never do I expect them to perceive any of it exactly the way I do. And I especially don't demand for that to be the case. The beautiful thing about life is the mystery of it. It's the search of new people and not knowing how different or how alike they are to ourselves. It's finding those connections and building strong friendships with them. If everyone was more like me, I'd find life a little boring. It's why I don't act high and mighty and I don't force my way of thinking and feeling onto anybody else. If I ever had such a thing like 'It's not THAT funny' said to my face, I'd be quick to reply back with one of my favourite sayings; 'Yeah, well the world doesn't turn for you!'

I know what you are probably thinking. 'Hang on! Aren't you doing the exact opposite with this blog? Aren't you forcing your views onto others?' Here is when I correct you. It's not 'forcing', but rather 'sharing'. This blog is simply my character in detail. It's you getting to know the way I think, the way I feel and the way I communicate with people in general'. Of course there will be things that are left for you to either agree or disagree with, but that's up to you and the way you think. The choice is in your hands. The word 'self' is in the blog title for a reason. It's inclusive. When one mentions it, it can refer to themselves and the way they think? I also encourage for other people's opinions, whether or not they meet with mine. I maybe the creator of this blog, but I am not the creator of what it stands for. It's The Self That Matters is simply my passion for Art and vision. A place where I can share all of my joys and knowledge of the world.

Emotions are free for all to use and I believe we should devote enough of our life to them. They are one of the few elements that distinguish us from one another and allow for proper authenticity. Crying can show to others that there are things that mean a lot to us. It proves that we care, we hurt and we heal. It's not a baby or lady thing to do, it's a human thing to do. So I along with most males, should be entitled to reveal how we truly feel without others saying something like 'buy a bag of cement and harden the f*** up'. It's nothing but pushing us to be somebody we're not. Laughter is too a thing for all. It shouldn't matter how one laughs. It shouldn't matter what funny content they laugh at and it shouldn't matter how hard they laugh at it. Accepting all of this is accepting individuality and having a go at anybody for the way they come across will always say more about us than them. Following these imaginary rules doesn't shape us into better people, but instead turns us into homespun sheep of the twisted, 'modern society' herd.

Travis "TJ" James

'Live Season' Or 'Seek Reason'

See that picture above? I took it. No joke. It was on the very last day of 2017. An unexpected family trip to the country's mountains, allowed me the opportunity to record and relish one of the most majestic views I've seen so far in my life. One of many gifts from the Gods bestowed upon humanity. The picture wasn't just well-detailed. It was absolutely awe-inspiring. The sunlight beaming down on the natural elements. The realistic greens, greys and browns sweeping through the entire photo. The tiny waterfall peeking through the centre as the water flows smoothly and consistently over the jagged rocks. Of course the picture above doesn't present all of these details accurately, given that I added a visual effect over the top. Why the visual effect you ask? Well I'll happily explain to you why that is because it leads into the topic I plan on discussing about. A topic I happen to show a great amount of interest in.

This picture is basically asking a series of questions. What do you think about nature? How does it make you feel? What about art interests you? What in art interests you the most? Your answers would speak volumes for how you'd see this picture. You could see just a sweeping of strong colours with irregular patterns. Or you can see a forest and waterfall behind a computer-generated effect. Then after that, you're making a judgement. What are your thoughts? What do you gather from it? Does the visual effect make the scenery look better or does it make everything worse? Whichever way you wish to perceive the edited photo is up to you. I captured something natural and covered it entirely with a band of translucent colours, smoothly transitioning from one to another starting from the top left. For me it's admiring all sides of the spectrum for what they are. Long story short, it's my way of accepting the two separate worlds of Art and Science.

The topic of Art and Science and the relationship between them is one of the more under-appreciated of its kind to exist. While studies on the topic have seen the light of day, they haven't been as acclaimed or widely recognised by everyday people compared to most other things. I like to think it's due to it being a topic you don't need to go searching for. Research isn't a requirement. This topic is more of a jigsaw puzzle, and over many years the pieces are slowly given to you in the form of different materials. They gradually come together for the bigger picture to emerge. At least that's how I see it, because at no stage did this topic ever come to me. I didn't learn it from school or from friends. I found and chased it. If I asked you what both art and science were, you'd most likely see them as how you've learned them. Art is drawing and painting pictures while science is chemical formulas and experiments. Art is opinions and beliefs while science is facts and theories. Art speaks for one while science speaks for all. These aren't wrong, but for me they only make up a small percentage. There's just so much more to them that meets the eye.

Let's begin with the discussion of 'Art'. What is it? Well art is what I simply like to believe as being anything man creates. The sounds of music, the texts of literature, the objectives of sports and the tastes of many foods. Even the English language itself is a form of art. It wasn't like the Earth was formed and all of these ideas suddenly came into existence. All forms of art share more than one thing in common as they aren't just man-made material. They all primarily aim to entertain and keep us occupied. They are shaped and reshaped over time in ways for us to capture their beauty. And although created by certain sets of hands, these artistic ideas are adopted by us as a means to both define and distinguish ourselves from everybody else. When we hear of art, we often think of painters and sculptors along with their historical work. But it's more than that. I don't believe artists are solely those who create things, but also embrace creativity for what it is. Hence the term I like to use: 'Live Season'.

To 'live season', one is predominantly enjoying life without questioning it. When most times see things thrown our way, we tend to look at them as being normal and/or self-explanatory. 'Season' specifically represents any internal or external conditions that are placed before us. Think of activities like shopping, chatting with friends or playing video games. These particular activities are some of many we do without delving deep into 'why we're doing them'. How often do you stop in-between any of them and ask what's going on? Do you ever ask yourself 'what is this thing I'm doing'? The answers to these questions are almost never. Truth is you don't care about the meaning behind them. You're performing these activities like they are programmed into your head. It's a way of accepting them for what they are, making you somewhat of an 'artist'. There is no escaping this sort of natural behaviour as it happens from when we are young, impressionable children.

As expected, 'Science' is pretty much the complete opposite. It's everything man hasn't given birth to and has little to no control of. The celestial bodies, the flora and fauna, the cause of action, natural disasters, etc. Science is certainly the more challenging of the two to understand as it's like getting to know a stranger. There lies a more complicated relationship between a scientist and their work, which can involve such problems like a lack of resources and trust difficulties. A scientist to me isn't just some old grey-haired guy with glasses, a moustache and a lab coat. It is any person going beyond their reach or adopting a philosophical behaviour. When they more often than not find themselves invested in thorough digging, searching for answers to seemingly troubling questions. Basically it's seeking reason. Taking the time during the day to stop, focus and attempt to solve the more brain-twisting of mysteries.

Going back to the relationship between art and science, a lot can be learnt about it through the few examples I have given in this piece. While art has created languages for us to speak, science has been responsible for their evolution over time. In all of man's artistic inventions, science is the engine that answers for how they work. Sometimes it isn't just one lifting another on their shoulders, but both simply holding hands as well. Art and science often share ideas. Sport for instance isn't just the games themselves, but the physicality involved to play them. When art focuses on the game, science looks at things like the human body and what happens when it's put through rigorous exercise. Same thing happens with food, with art recognising the beauty of food through the sense organs and science making measurements whilst studying chemical reactions (the change of molecular structure through different processes and cooking techniques). It seems that opposites really do attract.

There may however be one or two disparities despite their equal level of importance. Art allows for us to be imaginative and interpret just about everything in ways we like seeing them. It's obvious with my photo up top, as I placed a rainbow effect over it. Despite my love for natural colours, I too like adding artificial colours and intensifying them. I mostly see it adding more detail and evoking a variety of different emotions from warmth to optimism. Here's another example of artistic interpretation of reality, and it happens to be one of the most common to exist. The Sun. Ever noticed how some kids love making the Sun more sentient than what it is by drawing a smiling face on it in their works? What realistically is a hot, fiery ball of gas and light is turned into a friendly being from the sky in a child's imagination. Although it's distant from logic and reality, applying our own artistic vision to things aims to simply make us feel safe and happy. And the possibilities seem limitless.

But what if it was the other way around? What if we tried to look at everything scientifically? Let's once again go back to the example of shopping. We know that shopping is the purchasing of goods from different stores, but can we go any deeper than that? True we can rephrase and change words, but it still mean the same thing. This is when you sense a limit. You just start to see the activity of shopping as somewhat unusual when you think long and hard about it. It's sort of like semantic satiation. I'm sure we have all come across certain words on any given day and repeated them over and over. When that happens, we sense the words beginning to sound funnier or stranger as they slowly lose meaning. Similar thing happens when thinking about any form of leisure. When the answers don't satisfy you and you ask for more, you're pretty much asking for too much. Science is applied so hard, that it can temporarily leave us in a black hole, unable to see things as they normally are. 

Art and Science basically make up existence. The sensations and individual perceptions of reality accompanied by knowledge and reason. The two are well-balanced, harmoniously coexisting and depending on one another to define each and every one of us. Little do we know that we practically demonstrate the strength of their dependence from the day we are born. We start by living science to live art. We're then living art to learn art and finally learning art to learn science. Simple and incredibly broad, yet nothing short of amazing. To think such vastly different subjects have strong connections with each other, and neither coming out to look of greater importance. And the fact they forever continue to better us as people, remains as it is. Together they succeed in delivering the communication of messages, the evolution of technology and the welcoming of convenience. It's completely impossible to picture life without them.

Travis "TJ" James

Hurts Like Hell

For those of you that visit here regularly and read my work, you would already know that I was not particularly fond of my childhood years (The Room For Improvement). But here's something interesting regarding that information. You only know half of the reason why. That half being something I was always able to control. My behaviour and my awareness of everything around me. From most people's eyes what I've done wouldn't seem bad, but I myself am somebody that easily succumbs to self-punishment. I'm somebody who desires to become a better man from the good boy. It might in ways appear unhealthy for one to carry this sort of negative trait (or any for that matter), but I look at it as a gruelling yet necessary chase for greater reward. The short-term pain for long-term gain. But then again, many of my bad choices growing up haven’t worn me down as much as I thought they would have. Though I see them as unpleasant, I’m able to easily shake them off now. Perhaps my attempts to distance myself from who I was turned out to be extremely effective.

Now for the other half of the reason, which is exactly what this piece is all about. The reason most of you would probably deduce as being unmanageable and excruciatingly painful to overcome based on what you have read so far. Well it’s no surprise that you’d be correct. I honestly wouldn’t be discussing such torment if it didn’t affect me to this degree. It most certainly is painful. So agonizing in fact that I'm still now and again left traumatized by the events. It’s not pain of the physical sort, but rather that of the psychological. And it was something I could never control. Everyone else but me got to steer the ship and they had the choice of crashing it. But I’m not alone in this. Thousands of other people have come to encounter the same issue. The pain of having others stand in their way. When you are not your own worst enemy, others will be. And when others are, it can go as far as leaving us to become a casualty of one of the most unpleasant things to exist in this world. Bullying.

Bullying is simply anyone seeking amusement from another’s misfortune or suffering. It’s making fun out of one’s discomfort. It’s forcing someone’s hand into doing something they don’t wish to do. Bullying may sound like a comical word but the action itself is no laughing matter. It causes a huge amount of damage to not only victims but their families as well. It leads to depression, anxiety and has even pushed certain victims to commit suicide. Upsetting isn’t it? To think that young people with so much of their life ahead of them are pushed to the point where they choose to cut it short. That should tell you a lot about bullies. They are a type of criminal that constantly fly under the radar. They can go as far as indirectly being responsible for a victim’s demise.

Throughout my complete thirteen years of obligatory education, I was indeed a victim of bullying. I have been debarred from school yard games, ridiculed by classmates, punched by other students and had my belongings destroyed and thrown around. Even my closest friends with their wild behaviour have pushed me to the point where I would simply walk out on them. I wasn't the type of kid that others went after. Many just saw me as someone forgettable and worth belittling whenever I was around. Despite the lack of severity in all the harm I have received, I never took bullying very well and my emotions would often get the better of me. I constantly saw myself as someone with very few props and had nothing to truly stand beside me through my toughest moments. In other words, I was extremely thin-skinned and easy to abuse. As years went by, I led myself to believe that my open display of softness painted a larger target on my back.

It's approaching thirteen years since my first, last and only school camp. My memories of the camp activities are fairly indistinct, but the place itself and the layout pretty much remains engraved in my mind. From the rooms where the students ate to the outdoor amphitheatre where everyone gathered for the important notices. It's hard for me to forget, since it was my only camping experience with the school. As for why it was my only school camp, the reasons to this day remain crystal clear. I felt uncomfortable. Unprepared for such an event, not knowing whether I was capable with managing my belongings. And I am not afraid to admit that I was homesick around the time. Travelling a few hundred miles away from my home town to spend three days in unfamiliar territory didn't do so well with me as I would've liked. I just wasn't ready to overcome the homesickness and my time at the camp saw me constantly thinking about the desire to get back home.

But that wasn't the worse of it. To add to the misery I was allocated a cabin shared by five other kids, all of which I felt uneasy hanging around near. A couple of them were even students that thought little of me from the very first moment they saw me and judged me based on their preconceived thoughts. As soon as I discovered the cabin information, I knew I wasn't to expect a warm welcome. How right I was in the end? My roommates insulted me, mocked me, called me names and even went as far as threatening to beat me up. You're probably thinking I did something wrong to bring this about, but truth be told not once did I inflict harm of any sort. I was simply a weak and vulnerable target for intimidation. My biggest regret here was not requesting a room change when I had the chance prior to leaving. The idea did pop into my mind at the time, but for some unknown reason I never went ahead with it. As a result, this school camp was by far one of the most execrable experiences I've had so far in my life and it still haunts me now.

While most schools and workplaces share their own set of rules to deal with the issue of bullying, I continue to think they don’t do a satisfactory job. Usually it’s a case of not tackling it hard enough or going about it the wrong way. My own school adopted a policy to take on bullying that sounded very strong. But for some reason I felt that it was never persisted with. Teachers in my classes failed to observe tensions between students and never stepped in to ease any pain inflicted. On top of that, school yard security wasn’t exactly fantastic. And general information to teach kids and treat victims felt far from accurate. This has led me to believe the issue of bullying isn’t being taken very seriously. Bullying of course can’t ever be completely eradicated, because no problem can. However, it can be reduced through proper education and tougher security.

Ever heard such ideas like bullies ‘don’t go far in life’ or ‘don’t succeed in very much’. Is this really true? And if it were, would it make one feel significantly better about themselves? I can honestly tell you that I have faced these ideas and they didn’t work on me. They couldn’t help me see the light. They failed to strengthen my walls. I still remained a weak cry-baby low in self-confidence. The fact is that people who have a history of tormenting others, can still achieve great things. They are people like the rest of us. So what information is accurate? I like to think it depends on how we perceive bullies as individuals. My view on them was built during my high-school years with help from a friend (The Revival). Any case of bullying says more about the offender than it does about the victim. These offenders like to think they are smart and superior, but irony sets in when they can’t demonstrate it. They don’t realise the damage they cause. They fail to apprehend the uneasiness their sufferers experience. And they jump to conclusions without seeing the whole picture.

I'm not afraid to admit that I have at times during my childhood, bullied others. Though my methods of bullying weren't as extreme as what I've suffered myself, I still left victims in an inferior position or state. This is where you’d stop and think ‘gee, isn’t this guy a hypocrite, he’s preaching what he couldn’t practice sooner’. I couldn’t blame anyone for thinking that way, but if you aren’t a stranger to these parts you would have already learnt that it is still too early and there is not enough information to come to any conclusion (Beyond The Surface). Here is the interesting part you might find hard to believe when it came to me being a scourge to others, but it remains true. I didn't enjoy it at all. I got nothing out of it. I didn’t feel better about myself in any way, nor did I appear any different to those around me. In the end, it was basically a waste of my time.

I suppose my attempts at bullying others stemmed from my short-attention span. When most things seemed boring I’d look for any way to entertain myself, even if it was at another’s expense. This goes back to me forever condemning the idiotic child I once was. Then again, almost every single kid goes through the same stage. Another thing that even surprises me is that there were times when I knew enough was enough. When I finally saw the damage I was causing, I didn’t hesitate to quit. There have even been moments when I wanted to solve conflicts that never involved me. While I cannot deny following the general mass of students when it came to finding amusement in school yard brawls, a small part of me always wanted to intervene and make sure nobody got hurt. But I couldn’t for obvious reasons. I guess there maybe are some parts of who I used to be I can still tolerate.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Bullying is no laughing matter. All five known types (Physical, Verbal, Social, Psychological and Cyber) do significant damage to one’s mentality. I’ve heard the fear and angst from many victims themselves. I’ve seen mothers openly shed tears on television when discussing about the harm their children experience. I’ve even witnessed celebrities come around and speak up about how such a thing has affected them as a person. Given other important issues being dealt with, Bullying is often made to look negligible. But the truth is that it has still played a part in hurting lots of people. I suggest that we all carry a sense of 'empathy' and understand what truly takes place in the mind of a sufferer. No one should have to cop such ill-treatment from anybody.

Travis "TJ" James

It's My Life

We all know parents right? The proper ones that care for their children and wish to see them safe and happy. There is nothing greater in the world than knowing you have a couple of people that love you very much. And as you grow old enough to understand what you mean to them, you do everything you can to reciprocate that same love. But sometimes, you just wish that many of these parents knew where to draw the line. Come adolescence, you start wanting them to give you the space to breathe and be your own person. You begin to feel the power slowly fall into your own hands as you show to mum and dad you're old enough to make decisions for yourself. You know what you want, and start planning towards it. Your parents however think differently. They build the walls to keep you in and encourage you to search elsewhere, just to ensure you don't get hurt. Are they right in doing that? Given how I've put it into context, you know exactly what I think about this.

The role of both a mother and a father is to raise a child and show them the world. To guide them on the correct path and make sure they can differentiate right from wrong. And they're to be around whenever their child needs support, regardless of the time. Once most of the requirements are satisfactorily met, the role is no more. The biggest and toughest challenge then awaits them. To let their child (who is now at the appropriate age) go and face the world for themselves. Allowing them to make their own choices and follow their heart's desire. It's indeed a moment in life so hard to overcome, but it has its merits. As parents age, they can become more weary. They can lose the required energy to raise their growing kids and find it harder to keep in touch with their role as they juggle other important issues. The ultimate step of granting their son/daughter independence, comes in to solves such complications. After taking that step, parents can then relax and look back knowing they did a fantastic job. All they are left needing to do in regards to their child, is hope good fortune and the best outcomes lie ahead for them.

The decision to release children at the right age can come across looking unavoidable, and rightly so as there are plenty of problems that arise whenever one tries hard to circumvent it. A mother or father opposing their child's freedom, end up making more work for themselves. From limiting options to tracking whereabouts, the pressure only mounts for any parent going about their usual business whilst trying to throw themselves deeper into their child's life. Denying kids the room to grow and discover their purpose will more often than not see things get out of hand. It too is an unnatural force and makes the child's development look plastic and turn into something it isn't. It's pushing the child to unreachable heights, trying to make them perfect whilst not allowing them to learn from their own mistakes. Overprotecting children even hints distrust. The idea that parents don't love their kids enough to trust them with anything. This can often lead to self-doubt, with the parents not confident in their own methods of nurturing.

The strangest thing about wrapping children in cotton wool, is that it is a sign of parents both loving their kids too much and not loving them enough. Sounds like it doesn't make sense, but it does. When such a thing happens, parents love their kids too much to let them go as they are afraid of anything bad that might happen to them. At the same time they're refusing their children the chance at exploring their interests, not loving them enough to give them what they want the most. Little do parents know that when they mollycoddle their kids, they are putting themselves first. They come to believe that restricting a child's movement does good for his or her health and well-being, when it only actually does good for their own. Overall, the love within the relationship between mother, father and child loses its naturalness and when children learn to pick it up, they slowly begin to devalue both the parents and their approach to looking after them.

The overprotecting of children can see a disconnection emerge between the two sides. Parents need to understand that excessive power and control can intensify the chances of their child disobeying them. Preventing their kids from making choices they see appeal in, will only have them looking over the boundaries with more curiosity and fascination. They will find different ways to persist with the choices they make. Think of this situation like handling a slippery bar of soap. The tighter one's grip of the soap with their hand, the easier it is to lose control of it. It will slip out very quickly. That's how I see this sort of parenting. Confining kids to such a small space of rules and options will have them squashed to the point where the pressure becomes too intense. They'll not long later fall out of line and become more difficult to properly keep control of.

I have so often told my mother that both she and dad have succeeded in their role. That they have handled parenthood exceptionally well. Their children are reasonably clever. They are aware of the dangers life holds. They carry common sense and when they make choices, they know the risks that come with them. I am indeed one of those children. I have learnt from many of my past mistakes (The Room For Improvement). I take steps with extreme caution and know not to throw my trust around recklessly. I try treating others with the utmost respect and I have never let friends and school mates influence my decisions to the point of breaking the rules. Despite having no way to prove it, I like to believe that I am one of the very few of my kind. Warm-hearted and easy to get along with. I don't mean to toot my own horn when it comes to this matter, but I can't dismiss seeing myself for who I have grown to become.

It wasn't just my parents that taught me the ways of life. It was school as well. As much as most kids generally don't like school for what it is, it can play a very important part in the maturing of an individual. It is not necessarily what is taught in terms of work that is essential, but more-so what the work can do. Both the friends I made and the studies I took on had nudged me into seeing the bigger picture. They helped me learn more about myself and pushed me to find what my actual interests were. They had me searching for what I truly wanted to do. A couple of months ago I spoke of a particular friend of mine, who had inspired me in more ways than one (The Revival). He achieved two things I still find hard to believe. He made education fun and had me asking the question 'Who is Travis James?'. Once again, I can't thank him enough. Now I know exactly who Travis James is. A man of nature, a friendly voice and someone with a great passion to 'give'.

So what has any of this got to do with the point I am trying to make here? Interestingly it is not all fun and games for kids as they too have a role. There will come that moment when every teenage boy and girl starts to really focus on their future and what they want to do as a career. During this stage, they aim to prove a point to their parents. That they have come a long way from childhood. That they are sensible enough to make their own decisions. That it's their life and they want to make the best out of it. And so they should! If they want to be a race car driver, then they can become a race car driver. If they want to be a ballet dancer, then they can be a ballet dancer. If they want to be a professional boxer, then they can become a professional boxer. The choice is theirs, provided they fight hard for it and prepare for any consequences that come with it.

Parents who mollycoddle say they want their kids to be safe and happy. They are certainly keeping them safe, though that safety may not last for very long. Happy? Not so much. Life is a gift and for one to meddle with another in a way such as mollycoddling only ever seems inequitable in my eyes. I'm not trying to sound like a parenting expert. I know very well that I am not one and I have zero experience in this area. I'm not married. I don't even have a girlfriend. All that I'm demanding for is the need to give teenage kids the space to come into their own. To take their own path and learn things for themselves. I have spoken about this to my parents a couple of times. That if I chose any particular avenue regardless of how dubious it may seem, they'd do nothing but respect my choice and hold onto the hope that sees me having understood the potential risks involved. Then again, they should already know their kids are smart enough. I have reminded them that I have grasped the moral code. I have demonstrated to them my way of thinking and I have tackled most issues by applying the necessary logic. As of right now, I do have a fair idea of what I want to do, but it is the little choices along the way that remain uncertain. Those are the choices my parents have to accept. Life has its dangers, but for me there is no point in hiding behind a locked cage and throwing away the key.

Travis "TJ" James

Beyond The Surface

Ever had someone look at you with disdain? Ever then wonder why that was the case? Why the denigration? What you did to receive this? I have asked myself these questions countless times because I have in fact been treated in such a way by one or two people during my early days. I always was searching for the reasons, but they were only ever unclear to the point of being non-existent. Of course this was around the time I was very young with so much of my life ahead of me. But as a kid, I always remember myself as someone who was quite hesitant to make the first move. I never saw myself doing anything to disrespect another and I never really stood out in terms of character. So I'm left to believe I've done nothing wrong. Yet I still somehow ended up becoming a victim of intense hatred from a couple of fellow students. It then got me questioning whether it is still frequent for anyone to behave in such a manner as an adult. This leads me to a broader topic of discussion. Judgement, and how it's formed.

You know how that saying goes. Don't judge a book by its cover. This just happens to be one of my absolute favourite idiomatic phrases. So simple and clear cut. So strong in signification. So easy to use. It is something I can relate to an awful lot. And it is indeed another of my old blog works I'm here to revisit. First of all we're to ask why this phrase exists, which should only take seconds to answer as it is so obvious to figure out. It's telling us to be more logical with our opinions. It's teaching us to take our time and think carefully. It's pushing us to test acuity and evade absurdity. Long story short, this phrase is wanting us to avoid 'bad judgement'. What is 'bad judgement' here? The same as it generally is. It's the final thoughts constructed without any proper basis. It's the opinions on someone or something formed with very little depth. It's reaching a conclusion without any analysis or greater understanding of the subject at focus.

This takes me back to the couple of kids who developed an inexplicable loathing for me. They did so without truly getting to know me. They took one look at me and decided that I wasn't good enough to win their respect. It's an ultimate example of 'bad judgement'. Of course as mentioned earlier, we were all just kids starting school. We weren't yet equipped to see the whole picture, so it makes more sense for poor judgement of character to take place. But it still ended up becoming a mistake. How so? Well it wasn't their first impression of me that was the problem. It was them continuing to stick with it for the many years to come. They still saw me the same way as they grew older, and never came to rethink their approach. They refused to see where they ended up wrong. This tells me they just weren't good judges of character whatsoever.

Bad judgement is very easy to accomplish. It's simply looking at the right areas, only to judge them in the incorrect manner. Here are a few examples. Hating someone who makes a bad move by accident and apologises for it. Hating someone who looks attractive, yet shows no signs of bloated conceitedness. Liking someone for taking risks, not considering the harm they're doing to others. There are dozens of ways to go about judging things with little comprehension. There are even areas that people just shouldn't be judged from at all. Exactly what areas are inappropriate to base opinions on? Well it's basically anything the mind can't control. Our families, our relatives, our upbringing, where and when we are born, the conditions we're left to tackle, etc. Finally there are areas that depend on how we look at them ourselves, with probably the most prominent of them all being the one I'm about to dive right into. Appearance.

It hurts to learn that we can live in societies today where anyone's character is both inaccurately and unjustly determined through how they look. From schools spitting on individual identities to work places rejecting applicants based on size, shape and even nationality. From young kids picking on the disabled and the disadvantaged to anybody just simply liking or hating someone based on how 'attractive' they are. Regardless of how much effort we put into our appearance or whether or not we put in any at all, there is always going to be at least one time when others focus on it as a means to heavily influence our direction in life. Take it from me, as I have experienced such judgement a few times already and it isn't at all pleasing to hear. While I'm all for honesty, to be told that my appearance and build are not good enough for most things is still a kick in the guts.

You could say this another reason for why I hide behind my clothing and gear (A Name Without A Face). My work here doesn't require me to show my face. I don't want what I look like to mean anything, nor do I want it to have any impact on the content I provide. This blog and everything else I have posted on Google Plus, are to implicate that our actions should define our character. I let my respect for others speak for me. I let my gear fetishes speak for me. I let It's The Self That Matters speak for me. My face is only like the tags that come with newly bought clothes. They will say something, but mean very little and occasionally get in the way. None of this is to say I won't consider a face reveal later down the track. And certainly none of this means that I don't appreciate how I look as a person. I just don't currently see the significance my actual appearance has in what I do both here and everywhere else.

You're looking at the picture above. Your first thought might be 'What a strange figure' as you also ask yourself 'What on Earth is this person doing?'. I wouldn't blame anyone for thinking like that. I most likely would share the same view. But what about extending that view. To use more than just the eyes. To look beyond what can already be seen. To learn more about the person hidden in this photo and discover what else they have delivered. Is it truly okay in any way for somebody to make judgement with little understanding of the details within their reach? Obviously you know that I am the figure in the photo and you'd already have some idea of how I'd feel if I was on the receiving end of such behaviour. I'd be genuinely upset if I ever found out that I was a victim of superficial vision. To have my entire character determined on one picture alone would for me feel like nothing but a sharp sting. Then again, I would know not to feel at fault. We've all been raised in different conditions and have experienced different events in our lives. Thus our minds all think differently. All I'm left to do here, is inform others that well-formed opinions take time and encourage them to go at least one step further when trying to make one.

Imagine the only thing you saw of mine was this picture. You see a guy wrapped in so many hoodies with a balaclava and beanie covering what appears to be a red mask underneath. You then question what's further underneath that red fabric. You would say that there is a human face, which wouldn't be at all far from true. But what if there was more than that? Who's to say there wouldn't be a blue mask or a green mask or even both? Here is when I discuss the importance of 'layers'. Everyone's overall personality has layers to it. My love for sinking deep into my wardrobe so happens to demonstrate the significant part 'layers' play in each of our lives. For example, say I choose to go out for a walk whilst wearing not one, not two, but THREE morphsuits (I have actually done this before). People would only be able to see one from the outside, not knowing that there are another two being worn simultaneously. The outside layer can represent my strangeness which is how others will see me at the time. The middle layer could represent my cleverness, as I make use out of more than one morphsuit without anyone figuring it out. The inside layer can represent my kindness, as I could be a friendly soul and welcome anything that comforts me. This all can teach you one thing. That there is simply more than meets the eye.

People that write up blogs or explore other similar areas in literacy, tend to be quite complex in character. I like to see myself as one of those people. I am somebody that builds themselves from any knowledge that naturally comes their way. Of course like everyone else, my disliking of certain things depends on the friction between my personality and all that surrounds me. However my views on other people take more time and more effort to become solid. I never consider a certain someone's face or physical features for answers. Instead I learn of their interests, explore their history, study their behaviour and depending on whether I can reach out to them, I test their loyalty and have them trying to earn my trust. As for how I draw my conclusions, it depends on their success in all of the areas. If they succeed, they win my respect and if they don't... well you know what that means.

Poor judgement doesn't have to focus on just people though. There are many other things it can be applied to. For example, most of us tend to prefer an original version of a particular song, with some of us not even feeling the need to listen to any cover we refer to. Same can be said for movies, and how remakes never seem to be as well-received. Another example would be one not liking a particular program without trying out a single episode. How about this one my family strongly relates to? Ever had an unpleasant experience with food. Whether it is dining out or simply buying a particular product from the local supermarket. More than a decade ago, my family discovered an unpleasant taste in a certain brand of milk and assumed it was tainted. Ever since then, we have not returned to that milk. That still remains the case to this very day. What makes that poor judgement you ask? Well we don't consider whether or not the milk has improved from that time and we don't take into account the new and different personnel responsible in bringing it to us. Same can be applied for when we eat at a restaurant. Whenever we failed to enjoy the food we ordered, we would immediately decide to not return to the place we ordered it from. With us, there is no second chances.

I know this may seem like a trivial issue when compared to other matters, but I have found myself easily irritated by such a thing given how it has affected me throughout my life so far. As a matter of fact, I am closely related to someone who is known for forming opinions prior to observing the greater details. This particular person has regularly informed me of their distaste for those they find to have certain unattractive characteristics. This exact same person has shown their disinterest for most of the things I love, without even taking a proper look for themselves. This person has even come on to hate particular food they've never tried before (then again I can't talk much, since I too can share this way of thinking every now and then). A lot of their views are generally preconceived and they often remain solid and difficult to challenge. Yet despite our differing views 'butting heads', I do eventually come to terms with accepting their dissimilar perception of reality. And given who I am, I'm never one to think any less of them because of it. After all, not everyone is the same.

I've always believed that we should be judged for what we do and how we impact other people's lives. But even that requires a lot of thought and understanding. It only seems fair that any reason for one's view of another is both valid and properly deduced. That a series of actions is looked upon thoroughly. That one's intentions are clear. And in what ways does one's behaviour affects those around them. This I consider to be the ideal approach. But my message here is more about avoiding the wrong rather than doing the right. We should all know the way we appear to others is not by any means a good measurement of what we are capable of achieving. And it certainly doesn't determine what values we carry. The ugliest of people may own the sweetest of hearts. The youngest of faces, may hide the brightest of minds and the smallest of bodies can overcome the toughest of tasks. So I coax anyone to do as the phrase suggests and to not judge a book by its cover, because there is every chance that books with the worst covers can contain the best stories.

Travis "TJ" James

The Room For Improvement

Ever have those moments where you make a choice of action, only to later look back on it thinking you could have dealt with it a little bit better. If this is common for you, then I can relate an awful lot as this pretty much sums up who I am as a person. Like everybody else, my past choices have led me to becoming who I am today. But they have also pushed me to work harder in making something better out of myself. It is widely known that the bad memories can outweigh the good ones. Judging from my experiences, I can say this is far from incorrect. A lot of what I recall doing over the last 15 or so years has either resulted in punishment or other unfriendly outcomes. It has even involved me lying and keeping secrets out of fear, forgetting that I was only making matters worse. Now I am left to deeply regret my foolish ways and look ahead in trying to disconnect myself as much as I possibly can from this young person. They say that one who lives with regret doesn’t appreciate anything about themselves, but I see regret as a tool to further find what I can appreciate about the man I currently am.

Judging on what you have read so far, you would be able to work out that I wasn’t so fond of my childhood. Most of what I’ve done as a kid still affects me to this very day. My slow reaction times. My disorganisation. My poor choice of words. My incapacity to sometimes adhere instructions. Even when I saw problems for what they exactly were, I went about solving them in unnecessary ways. But the one thing that keeps twisting the knife into me, was my inability to consider consequences before making my move. Everyone has done this in their lifetime, some more than others. Most learn to live with the mistakes they have made and accept them for what they were. However for people like me who are continually weighed down by such memories, seeing our ill-thought-out decisions as ‘water under the bridge’ becomes a bigger challenge and the urge to overcome obstacles intensifies.

I wasn’t an out and out bad boy nor was I an intentional rule breaker. In fact I was highly respected by most of my teachers and peers. I have been praised for my level of creativity, devotion to study and ongoing effort to seek perfection. I have accomplished many feats and have won many accolades over my many years of education. I won the story writing competition over the rest of my school in 2007. I was nominated by teachers and became a leader in my last two years of primary school. I was recognised with a high honour for mathematics in 2011 and in that same year was awarded a school scholarship. The following year I was one of the few nominated by my VET teacher for a VET award and shook hands with the mayor of my community. And most recently I topped the rest of my fellow graduates in the Art category. But I never really brag about any of this. If anything, I didn’t ever think so highly of myself. But that never stopped friends and fellow students seeing me as a formidable opponent in most areas of study.

So why the fuss you may ask? Why do I dwell on the smallest of past experiences that frustrate me so much? The fact is that I will forever see the child I used to be as someone ‘completely stupid’. His irrational behaviour which extended beyond that of school, was below standard and failed to match with his level of intellect. All that knowledge gained, yet unable to demonstrate it when required. He couldn’t grasp morality as well as he could have. His parents raised him brilliantly and he never succumbed to peer pressure, yet he still found ways to occasionally disappoint. It hurts to think this young boy was once me. While I was like most well-behaved students of my school, the higher standards I set for myself very late saw me feeling the need to abhor the low-grade deeds carried out by my once younger mind.

The kind of choices I made were ones that simply had me failing to place myself in the position of those who were affected by them. Some that I have made prioritised the little things over the big things. A few choices have even had unpleasant consequences telling me to change my ways. Of course they’re not criminal offences. As a matter of fact I knew where to draw the line, either hesitating or spurning actions I thought to be a little too extreme. The experiences that haunt me are primarily minor slip ups, stemming from my failure to listen and comprehend many of the things I had been taught along the way. At times, I was unable to treat others with care. I was unable to come up with more effective solutions to problems. I was unable to dive deeper into topics of discussion. I knew not when to seek fun with friends, open myself up and extend the boundaries for further amusement.

On top of all this, I was and probably still am to this day an extremely sentimental person. Probably to the point where I can be labelled as a sook or crybaby. When I was the victim of an unpleasant experience, my choice of reaction was almost inevitable. I looked at matters, feeling that I lacked the security and support from those who deeply cared for me. I often thought I had little control of myself and constantly worried whether wiser heads would understand the predicament I was in. Looking back, I often believe that I have painted my own reputation. That if other people ever came to remember their school years and pictured me in them, they’d see someone who was very weak, vulnerable and unprepared for the toughness life and reality could bring. I truly detest how soft and thin-skinned I used to be. So I strive to face tough situations with both a stronger mind and heart whilst searching both far and wide to find the pillars to lift me up whenever I’m down.

Do I still make bad choices? Of course I do. I’ve made many since I have finished school. This blog is actually one of them. Not so much making it, but it instead what it has been used for. When I first started It’s The Self That Matters back in 2015, I had a clear idea of what I wanted the blog to be about. I created it with a longing to connect with different people and help them gain a greater understanding of the beautiful things in life. Whether it was Art, Music, Sport, Television, Nature, Film, Literature, etc. anything I either felt strongly passionate about or believed to have shared fair knowledge of would be expanded on in a blog piece with a creative yet straightforward title. So where did I go wrong? Recently having reread a couple of my old works, I was left unimpressed with how I sounded. My tone came across more stern and self-centred, which went against everything both I and my blog stood for. I also felt a lack of care within what was written. My level of thought while improved from my school years, still fell short of what I saw as appropriate. I once again failed to see the consequences for my actions.

One of the few reasons why I decided to start fresh on this blog, was to prove I had something to give in a manner more fitting for myself. To know I can find the line between having plenty to talk about and knowing how to go about doing so. Waking up to the dawn of 2018 I sensed the need to not only continue what I loved most, but to evolve and show others that people can grow and learn from their mistakes. In general, I aim to remind anyone that it’s perfectly fine to feel ashamed for poor decisions. It’s okay in occasionally wanting to look at ourselves with enough dissatisfaction to still see the light. Having done so myself has seen me become a much better person and I am very proud of it. But I know it won’t stop me from making more errors. Like everyone else, I am always going to and that will forever be the case. It just becomes a matter of minimising the amount of bad moves by taking steps with more caution, and that’s what I am doing right now.

I not long ago came across a particular show that taught me a valuable piece of information. That the strong desire in wanting to turn back time and right our wrongs, was a sign of how different we are from who we once were. A sign of how much we have changed for the better. When I look back on the bad things I have done, the feeling of distress that follows becomes the monster with a reason to live. This monster reminds me that I have learnt my lessons. That it’s never too late to make up for my sins. That new beginnings do exist. I don’t ever think hope and redemption are out of reach. While I do believe that people should be judged more for ‘what they do’ rather than ‘who they are’, there is such thing as a second chance for those judged by their wrongdoings who strongly wish to turn their lives around. I do see myself as one of those people and at the same time believe anyone in my position should be given the opportunity to prove they can change for the better. These small blunders that I am responsible for are probably meant to remain small enough to forget. But given the person I desire to be moving forward, I try my absolute hardest each and every day to ensure they don’t define who I currently am.

Travis "TJ" James