You're aware of that idea regarding men and how they're not to shed tears for the sake of the masculine image right? How they're not to openly express feelings of sorrow regardless of the situations they're facing. How it's all about looking tough and sounding like a cup of nails have been swallowed. My brother tends to somewhat support this idea. I however, do not. Never in a million years. Why does humanity set itself such ridiculous rules where certain people have more rights to such emotions? Am I not allowed to cry just because I am a man? Not even when somebody close to me suffers or reaches the end of their life? It's absurd! I am entitled to feel whatever I want to feel at the appropriate times. Same goes for everybody else. These emotions exist and are there to be used when necessary. I'm not breaking any law. I'm merely proving that I'm a complex individual. There's nothing wrong with that.
According to many of today's society, it is not okay for men to cry as it goes against how the common male is supposed to be seen. In the toughest of moments, men are encouraged to hide their true feelings and are at no stage to share them in public. Seems stupid, don't you think? Apparently crying makes people appear to be nothing more than weak. It's all about determining one's strength based on whether or not they break down into tears. And if any category of humankind has rights to feel weak and vulnerable, it is females. A superficial judgment of identity if you ask me. We make it out like our stories are told by simply ticking one of two boxes. We act like depth of character isn't a thing. Forbidding others from such powerful emotions and forcing them to hide their true feelings is encouraging them to live as an incomplete person. To present themselves as a lie. It's taking away a part of them and not allowing them to be anything more than what they currently are. It worries me. We're basically abusing our passage to singularity.
Crying is an open sign of pain and suffering. It proves that we feel it. More importantly, it shows our weaknesses. Weaknesses may not sound nice, but they actually are a good thing (and very important to have as well) as they aren't just our deficiencies or disadvantages. They can be anything or anyone that holds sentimental value and brings forth nostalgia. Family, friends, memories, objects, places, etc. Our most powerful of emotions are often dependent upon how these weaknesses are affected over time. But ironically, these weaknesses can be strengths as well. They can be something worth fighting for. They do remind us that we're not perfect, but they drive us to get the best out of ourselves and encourage us to go all the way. Having deep feelings for the things we hold dear to us is part of our nature. Hence why crying can be an acceptable behaviour for everybody. It's not someone 'being a girl'. It's them 'sharing a heart'.
I mentioned earlier about how my brother cared about the masculine image. It's just one of a few things we tend to disagree on, which further represents a natural aspect in any sibling relationship. I remember when my brother used to tell me years ago about how he would not openly cry if ever somebody close in the family passed away, simply because it wasn't 'manly'. He even laughed at me and accused me of faking tears when I was just nine years of age after we lost our grandmother. If only he understood my connection with Nan and how it may have been different to his. Don't know if he maintains this view, but if he did I know I'll be ready to counter it if ever it was brought up again. Would he really do that with his parents or anybody in his own family one day? Is it really that important to display a false persona? Nobody is going to have a go at him for crying at a funeral, nor should they. This 'tough man' image is now and then laughable. We don't all have to pretend like we can take on the fiercest storms.
Then there is the other side of the emotional spectrum where you will find the sweet tears of joy. Laughter of course isn't an action reserved for any particular category of people. However, it still brings forth an unwelcome form of criticism. One that sees those that display the action of laughter, immediately become a victim of absurd judgement brought forward by others. Whether it be the way they laugh or what they are laughing about, the subject will be changed to make them feel somewhat uncomfortable. If you are struggling to understand what I mean by this, then perhaps the following example will fix that. Two people are watching a funny scene from a movie, one chuckles for a few seconds while the other tries to catch his breath, guffawing for around a minute. Person that chuckled would then turn to look at the other and have the audacity to respond with 'It's not THAT funny'. Do you get it now? If so, do ask yourself whether or not it's an okay thing to say to anybody. I think you well and truly know what side I lean towards here.
This just goes back to the idea that we are all separate individuals that react differently to certain things. While there are moral standards set by us as a collective, no individual has a more superior perception of their surroundings then another. When one complains about something not being as funny and leaving it at that, they are basically implying that their attitude is where it ends. They don't ever consider that others might find the content hilarious. They treat their views as facts. They assume others that perceive things differently have a problem of some sort. Long story short, they are extremely egotistical. Here is another example. Ever noticed how comedy films are not as well-received compared to other genres? Many of the movies I thoroughly enjoy watching, tend to have low scores from Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic and such descriptive words as 'dry', 'bland', 'dull' or even 'inconsistent' tied to them. This is because these so-called professional review websites are still a bunch of individual opinions. They can involve thoughts from people who naturally don't find some content as funny compared to others. It's why I don't always pay attention to the critical reception.
Just before, I mentioned moral standards and how we as a collective have set some over time. This is the one and only exception I support when it comes to the restriction of feelings. Both crying and laughing are not just types of emotions, they are behaviours. Identifying behaviours is the most effective way of determining one's character. How one goes about using these two actions can tell us the kind of person they are and whether or not we can get along with them. Sounds a tad complicated, but it actually is pretty simple. We first look at the content one is reacting to and focus on what it's aiming for. What emotions is it trying to elicit? When something intends to be funny or sad, it can tell us much about how sensible one is. Most times when the reaction isn't that of what's intended, we are then led to the next step of how the reactor communicates with others. They will often disregard reason and be either aggressive or extremely immature (much like an internet troll). Just from these two steps, we can come to a conclusion of whether somebody is worth our time. Moral standards aren't laws, but do tell the story of how safe a person is to interact with. I'll give you this easy example in the form of two questions. Do you think a funeral is the right place to laugh and crack jokes? Also, what would you think of somebody who does exactly that? I think we can all agree that there are times and places that see certain behaviours not being so justifiable.
I'm digressing a little here. My issue is more focused on when the intentions are met and it all becomes a matter of personal opinion. When I'm not allowed to find something funnier than another person, all because they don't enjoy it as much. Believe it or not, I consider it as another form of invading personal space. It's trying to alter their life. Trying to rub one's views onto another person. It's somebody playing an unnecessary authority figure. Sure, I share the stuff I find humorous with other people. But never do I expect them to perceive any of it exactly the way I do. And I especially don't demand for that to be the case. The beautiful thing about life is the mystery of it. It's the search of new people and not knowing how different or how alike they are to ourselves. It's finding those connections and building strong friendships with them. If everyone was more like me, I'd find life a little boring. It's why I don't act high and mighty and I don't force my way of thinking and feeling onto anybody else. If I ever had such a thing like 'It's not THAT funny' said to my face, I'd be quick to reply back with one of my favourite sayings; 'Yeah, well the world doesn't turn for you!'
I know what you are probably thinking. 'Hang on! Aren't you doing the exact opposite with this blog? Aren't you forcing your views onto others?' Here is when I correct you. It's not 'forcing', but rather 'sharing'. This blog is simply my character in detail. It's you getting to know the way I think, the way I feel and the way I communicate with people in general'. Of course there will be things that are left for you to either agree or disagree with, but that's up to you and the way you think. The choice is in your hands. The word 'self' is in the blog title for a reason. It's inclusive. When one mentions it, it can refer to themselves and the way they think? I also encourage for other people's opinions, whether or not they meet with mine. I maybe the creator of this blog, but I am not the creator of what it stands for. It's The Self That Matters is simply my passion for Art and vision. A place where I can share all of my joys and knowledge of the world.
Emotions are free for all to use and I believe we should devote enough of our life to them. They are one of the few elements that distinguish us from one another and allow for proper authenticity. Crying can show to others that there are things that mean a lot to us. It proves that we care, we hurt and we heal. It's not a baby or lady thing to do, it's a human thing to do. So I along with most males, should be entitled to reveal how we truly feel without others saying something like 'buy a bag of cement and harden the f*** up'. It's nothing but pushing us to be somebody we're not. Laughter is too a thing for all. It shouldn't matter how one laughs. It shouldn't matter what funny content they laugh at and it shouldn't matter how hard they laugh at it. Accepting all of this is accepting individuality and having a go at anybody for the way they come across will always say more about us than them. Following these imaginary rules doesn't shape us into better people, but instead turns us into homespun sheep of the twisted, 'modern society' herd.
Travis "TJ" James
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