We all know parents right? The proper ones that care for their children and wish to see them safe and happy. There is nothing greater in the world than knowing you have a couple of people that love you very much. And as you grow old enough to understand what you mean to them, you do everything you can to reciprocate that same love. But sometimes, you just wish that many of these parents knew where to draw the line. Come adolescence, you start wanting them to give you the space to breathe and be your own person. You begin to feel the power slowly fall into your own hands as you show to mum and dad you're old enough to make decisions for yourself. You know what you want, and start planning towards it. Your parents however think differently. They build the walls to keep you in and encourage you to search elsewhere, just to ensure you don't get hurt. Are they right in doing that? Given how I've put it into context, you know exactly what I think about this.
The role of both a mother and a father is to raise a child and show them the world. To guide them on the correct path and make sure they can differentiate right from wrong. And they're to be around whenever their child needs support, regardless of the time. Once most of the requirements are satisfactorily met, the role is no more. The biggest and toughest challenge then awaits them. To let their child (who is now at the appropriate age) go and face the world for themselves. Allowing them to make their own choices and follow their heart's desire. It's indeed a moment in life so hard to overcome, but it has its merits. As parents age, they can become more weary. They can lose the required energy to raise their growing kids and find it harder to keep in touch with their role as they juggle other important issues. The ultimate step of granting their son/daughter independence, comes in to solves such complications. After taking that step, parents can then relax and look back knowing they did a fantastic job. All they are left needing to do in regards to their child, is hope good fortune and the best outcomes lie ahead for them.
The decision to release children at the right age can come across looking unavoidable, and rightly so as there are plenty of problems that arise whenever one tries hard to circumvent it. A mother or father opposing their child's freedom, end up making more work for themselves. From limiting options to tracking whereabouts, the pressure only mounts for any parent going about their usual business whilst trying to throw themselves deeper into their child's life. Denying kids the room to grow and discover their purpose will more often than not see things get out of hand. It too is an unnatural force and makes the child's development look plastic and turn into something it isn't. It's pushing the child to unreachable heights, trying to make them perfect whilst not allowing them to learn from their own mistakes. Overprotecting children even hints distrust. The idea that parents don't love their kids enough to trust them with anything. This can often lead to self-doubt, with the parents not confident in their own methods of nurturing.
The strangest thing about wrapping children in cotton wool, is that it is a sign of parents both loving their kids too much and not loving them enough. Sounds like it doesn't make sense, but it does. When such a thing happens, parents love their kids too much to let them go as they are afraid of anything bad that might happen to them. At the same time they're refusing their children the chance at exploring their interests, not loving them enough to give them what they want the most. Little do parents know that when they mollycoddle their kids, they are putting themselves first. They come to believe that restricting a child's movement does good for his or her health and well-being, when it only actually does good for their own. Overall, the love within the relationship between mother, father and child loses its naturalness and when children learn to pick it up, they slowly begin to devalue both the parents and their approach to looking after them.
The overprotecting of children can see a disconnection emerge between the two sides. Parents need to understand that excessive power and control can intensify the chances of their child disobeying them. Preventing their kids from making choices they see appeal in, will only have them looking over the boundaries with more curiosity and fascination. They will find different ways to persist with the choices they make. Think of this situation like handling a slippery bar of soap. The tighter one's grip of the soap with their hand, the easier it is to lose control of it. It will slip out very quickly. That's how I see this sort of parenting. Confining kids to such a small space of rules and options will have them squashed to the point where the pressure becomes too intense. They'll not long later fall out of line and become more difficult to properly keep control of.
I have so often told my mother that both she and dad have succeeded in their role. That they have handled parenthood exceptionally well. Their children are reasonably clever. They are aware of the dangers life holds. They carry common sense and when they make choices, they know the risks that come with them. I am indeed one of those children. I have learnt from many of my past mistakes (The Room For Improvement). I take steps with extreme caution and know not to throw my trust around recklessly. I try treating others with the utmost respect and I have never let friends and school mates influence my decisions to the point of breaking the rules. Despite having no way to prove it, I like to believe that I am one of the very few of my kind. Warm-hearted and easy to get along with. I don't mean to toot my own horn when it comes to this matter, but I can't dismiss seeing myself for who I have grown to become.
It wasn't just my parents that taught me the ways of life. It was school as well. As much as most kids generally don't like school for what it is, it can play a very important part in the maturing of an individual. It is not necessarily what is taught in terms of work that is essential, but more-so what the work can do. Both the friends I made and the studies I took on had nudged me into seeing the bigger picture. They helped me learn more about myself and pushed me to find what my actual interests were. They had me searching for what I truly wanted to do. A couple of months ago I spoke of a particular friend of mine, who had inspired me in more ways than one (The Revival). He achieved two things I still find hard to believe. He made education fun and had me asking the question 'Who is Travis James?'. Once again, I can't thank him enough. Now I know exactly who Travis James is. A man of nature, a friendly voice and someone with a great passion to 'give'.
So what has any of this got to do with the point I am trying to make here? Interestingly it is not all fun and games for kids as they too have a role. There will come that moment when every teenage boy and girl starts to really focus on their future and what they want to do as a career. During this stage, they aim to prove a point to their parents. That they have come a long way from childhood. That they are sensible enough to make their own decisions. That it's their life and they want to make the best out of it. And so they should! If they want to be a race car driver, then they can become a race car driver. If they want to be a ballet dancer, then they can be a ballet dancer. If they want to be a professional boxer, then they can become a professional boxer. The choice is theirs, provided they fight hard for it and prepare for any consequences that come with it.
Parents who mollycoddle say they want their kids to be safe and happy. They are certainly keeping them safe, though that safety may not last for very long. Happy? Not so much. Life is a gift and for one to meddle with another in a way such as mollycoddling only ever seems inequitable in my eyes. I'm not trying to sound like a parenting expert. I know very well that I am not one and I have zero experience in this area. I'm not married. I don't even have a girlfriend. All that I'm demanding for is the need to give teenage kids the space to come into their own. To take their own path and learn things for themselves. I have spoken about this to my parents a couple of times. That if I chose any particular avenue regardless of how dubious it may seem, they'd do nothing but respect my choice and hold onto the hope that sees me having understood the potential risks involved. Then again, they should already know their kids are smart enough. I have reminded them that I have grasped the moral code. I have demonstrated to them my way of thinking and I have tackled most issues by applying the necessary logic. As of right now, I do have a fair idea of what I want to do, but it is the little choices along the way that remain uncertain. Those are the choices my parents have to accept. Life has its dangers, but for me there is no point in hiding behind a locked cage and throwing away the key.
Travis "TJ" James
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