Earlier this year (in March), I completed a piece which focused on my passion for mystery and gearing myself up (A Name Without A Face). In this piece, I explained about my hesitation to take off the hoods and reveal who I truly was. I was cautious and my stance was solid. I was all about studying what risks to take. But just recently, I came to notice a growing disconnection between myself and all that surrounded me. I took another good look at my co-existing kind and caught a glimpse of their strength. Then it hit me. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to pull myself away from the crowd. I didn't want to be seen as gutless nor did I want to leave my work without both name and proper meaning. So I found my friends and followed them on the journey. And that meant having to make this life-changing decision. It happened sooner than I expected, but I'm beginning to see the benefits and in no way am I wanting to take it all back.
So what brought about my decision to unmask myself and reveal my face to the world? It began for me just a week or so ago, around the time I was filming for my first television appearance (My First Experience As An Extra). Off set I saw just about all of my fellow extras on their phones, scrolling down the feed of their social media profiles and adding each other as friends. That is when the truth hit me. Having not owned a Facebook or Twitter page at the time, I sensed a significantly large distance between myself and the rest of the group. I was all alone and more close to making myself look silly. It was nothing but me fighting a losing battle against the current way of life. It only took two days for me to finally succumb to the demands of today's society, especially when I'd find out the news on the Saturday night between the days of shooting that Google was closing the doors on its underwhelming competitor to Facebook. The only social networking service I was using up until that time. Embarrassing it may be, but I knew there was no point in continuing on. I weighed up the pros and cons, and officially decided to Sign up to each of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram that night. Since then, I've been a regular user of Instagram and Twitter and have been pushing to get the best out of myself. That included bringing forward the date when I would decide to turn my life around. When I would finally take off my hoods and carry on with my work as the real Travis James.
In my first piece of 2018 called 'The Revival', I wrote about having a friend from school who inspired me. He helped me discover my heart's desire to give and share my creations. But while this smart man did most of the heavy lifting, there was one thing he wasn't able to teach me. And that was to follow my heart's desire as my true self. For years I've been creating art without a tag. There were no signatures or symbols. I knew it was my gear and I knew it was me inside, but I wasn't ever proving it to others. Never even tried to. Took me quite a while to see this, but I eventually did. And it was through the unintended help of another talented young soul. One I only hung around with for three days during my first minor acting role. He was super friendly. His joyous attitude was infectious and after I took a look at his history of work, I was in awe. This kid knows what he wants. So direct and so full of confidence. He has every right to think highly of himself. Not only that, he help me expand my brand and explore new areas of interest. Both of these guys are absolute marvels and they would know who they are after reading this. They have more talent in one finger than I have in my entire body. And they are both younger than me. Go figure!
There's probably no getting away from the common argument of being strong or weak when it comes to identity reveal. The fact if I didn't show my face, I was in some ways a coward. Usually I don't support this idea, as I like to think there is more to it than just whether or not one has the guts to put themselves out there. I mean my time in the shadows was primarily based on thoughts and recent visions of the world I live in. It was the impossible promises put forward to me about the safety of personal information on the web. It was the unknown types of people I could possibly find myself colliding with. It was the fear of not knowing what I'd do in this unfamiliar territory. Overall my choice seemed to be more dependent on cognition than toughness. However I won't pretend that the search for courage didn't play a small part in my move to proper reality. I travelled through the many social media accounts of my old fellow school students, to find that they weren't at all afraid to share their natural visage. If these friends and close acquaintances of mine could all do it, why couldn't I?
Do I regret the move now? Well much to my own surprise, I don't whatsoever. For so long I believed that hiding behind fabrics and other material would build my walls. But little did I know while I was doing that, I was also encouraging the outside world to break them. I was making the people I reached hunger for answers. Eyes would follow and minds would wonder. Adopting an unusual behaviour is guaranteed to place the spotlight on people. And I just recently learnt that I was one of those people who was nowhere near prepared for any spotlight. I needed to work my way up, and that meant having to sacrifice much of where I stood. I kept believing that hiding myself would extend my personality. That it would make me more enjoyable to hang around with. But it doesn't seem to have worked as well as I would've liked it to. I suppose I am partly to blame. I just didn't try hard enough and remained too afraid with how the rest would react. So rather than lock myself away from the outside, I thought it was time to face life and seek improvement as my own genuine character. To let others see me for who I am and gain from whatever I bring to the table.
And just as I was typing this, a sudden wave of knowledge came over me. There's no such thing as safety, we are all open to danger anywhere and at any time. We're not even safe in our own home. Life at times is mostly a test of how much we can learn and how much of what we learn is taken with us moving forward. To be honest, I'm quite proud of where I sit here. I've grown up in a family where common sense often prevails. When it comes to risks, I think before I act. More-so than ever before, and especially after years of thoughtless actions (The Room For Improvement). There are risks that I want to take in life and I do wish to experience and learn any consequences for myself (It's My Life). And there are a few things I keep hidden about myself from others, knowing that they wouldn't truly understand despite how much they say they would. That is just a strong trait of mine. I'm all about going in head first, ensuring that the choices I make do me well. So far, I'm led to believe that this choice was a good one.
Now that I've come out of my shell, I have without doubt brought up new questions. What can Travis James do? Where is his place in this world? Who should he look towards for answers? Can his new work have impact? Can his old work maintain value? Most of the answers to these questions remain foggy. However, I know what I signed up for. It was a long process of considering the advantages and disadvantages. It was looking at where the flaws might be. The decision to take the leap wasn't by any means an easy one. To give into what I had long shunned and even put my name and face out there on the web feels so surreal. Now and then, I find it hard to believe that I'm on these social media platforms after surviving for so long without them. But I knew I eventually had to surrender and join the vast majority. It was only a matter of when and it happened quicker than I first thought. Hopefully this is the continuation of something great for me along with my work as a film/television extra.
But I guess the biggest question that might be on nearly everyone's mind is whether or not I will say goodbye to the gear and excessive dress-up. To be honest, I don't think I ever can. Mystery is one of the few concepts in art that I feel is both my passion and my strength. It was also my foundation and led me to this point of time. It taught me the tiniest bit about being a louder voice and a lighter personality. Giving that up would be much like taking the bottom block away from a tall stack. The stack is most likely not going to remain standing. Besides, I believe that there is always the opportunity to breathe new life into this hobby of mine. Like I can make something different out of it. As a matter of fact, I think I already am with a few of my Instagram pictures. My artistry will never cease to exist. So to those who have followed me for quite some time, you now officially know what TJ looks like. An average-looking kid. Nothing special. Then again that is just a personal view of mine. I usually let others be the judge of that. Haha!
Travis "TJ" James
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